Surely, you can find something to keep you busy worthwhile. I've always had computer as like my all-time hobby, finding something else to do such as gardening doesn't give me that enthusiasm. I understand that, I'm exactly the same.
You expressed yourself very well. Don't feel lonely. This feeling is shared by many people nowadays, and sooner or later it affects everyone. Every great change begins with a sudden and unexpected crisis. Well, you could start by looking for a boyfriend, someone to love; the simplest and most obvious solution.
@salazarcosplay, if you ask how am I, well... aside from the fact that i cant stop thinking about killing myself i guess im fine, and my throat got better
If you decide to take the easy way out, at least do it some interesting way, like 5 fishing magnets and ropes... Run out to the space x rocket as it's about to take off.... Ohhhh add some snow skiis and skii into to space!!!