Been a long time since I have blogged about my girlfriend...

Is it possible to be blinded by love?
My girlfriend certainly thinks I am and she is expecting me to one day realise that she isn't as amazing as I think and just up and leave. We were having a discussion yesterday and the topic came up that she feels inadequate for me. That I am so much better than her. It really struck me, but even more was the idea that she will "act like a bitch" (her words, not mine) in a relationship so that when it falls apart, she knows its her fault. She does that because she never understands why someone would care about her due to her extremely low self-efficacy. Unfortunately, whatever I say in response to that, the response is "You are saying that because you have to" or "You are blinded by love." Now while I may agree with the last part, I am also well aware that she isn't perfect. She has cerebral palsy which makes her voice slur at time and gives her little fine-motor control over her left side. She can be inexpressive when it comes to emotions which was something it took me a long time to get over. She can be mean at times and tease me, but I know her heart is never in it. So yeah, its a little frustrating that she feels that way because i really do care about her and love her. Its coming up on 18 months now, 18 amazing months, and I hope she just isnt resigning herself to the idea that I will just up and leave on day out of the blue.

Comments

kevan
Don't worry. Maddy is the same. She frequently will have moments where she just feels inadequate. You mention she has cerebral palsy which probably makes her think that any girl is better for you because their normal. People with those kind of conditions can be harsh on themselves.

Hell I used to be like that. Eventually I realized she loved me for me and that she loved me for who I am no matter what. Hopefully your girlfriend will realize this as well.
 
elgarta
My partner does that too. She gets stressed when alot is going on at once and kind of explodes, and then after the dust settles and I am still there and try to help her through it she says that she expects me to walk away one day when it happens.

It's just one of those things, especially when someone has been in a bad relationship in the past or has had situations come up where their worth is questioned by friends, family or other partners in the past. Not sure if it relates to your girlfriend but just thought I'd point it out.

As long as you do your best and promise yourself that you wouldn't resort to walking out on a moments notice I don't think you should be concerned. Still plenty of time for her to finally realise that her fears are just that and she may start to move on from them and accept what she has :D
 
Edgedancer
Yeah. This thought has been put in her head by a lot of people. because she doesn't express herself well, she comes across as kinda cold towards me. Hence I am seen in a good light by pretty much everyone while she isnt and I would get away without having to have a good reason to leave. And because we were still rather awkward and tense towards each other for the first 10 months or so, people kept thinking I was a long-sufferer or not sure why i was sticking around. This is what she has told me, and while I can see it, its just because we are two very different people when it comes to expressing ourselves.
Honestly, I feel its a bit of the other way, in that she has had so many horrible experiences in her life so far but she has managed to push past that. She isnt perfect, but who is, and I know she is more than I was expecting for a heck of a long time. I admire those traits in her far more than just her looks and such.
I dont know. I will be seeing her in the next few days hopefully. I had to leave hers to go to work in the middle of this conversation last night so I do want to finish it, though there is only so much I can say before she just says that I am saying it because i am her boyfriend.
 
Hells Malice
Self-esteem issues drive me nuts in relationships. They're AMAZINGLY difficult to break. You could reassure her and comfort her until hell freezes over and it probably wont do much, lol. Then one day you may say something, it'll just click, and she'll start healing.
I've never heard the 'blinded by love' excuse before though. That's a new one. Personally I think it's an asinine concept. Part of loving a person is accepting who they are. You aren't blind to her flaws, you accept them, as she does yours. Everyone has flaws. Love doesn't blind you to these flaws, or make you forget them, it's simply proof that you've overcome them and accept them.

But really it sounds like she wont leave YOU because of her insecurities, which is good. Just continue doing what you're doing, eventually she'll accept that you're with her not because you pity her, not because you're 'putting up with her', but because you genuinely love her. Forging trust through emotional scars is a difficult path, but it isn't impossible. Keep it up bro.
 
Edgedancer
Thanks for the that Hells Malice. You really hit the nail on the head. All I know is that I am going to keep going at this thing until she realises how much I do care and that its entirely genuine because hey, at the very least, I dont want to look back and wonder what it could have been. That would be my biggest regret.
 

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