pizza sauce massacre

so i had to blow my nose right, and i seen i already had a 'clean' tissue laying around. i go to use it, and blow my nose right into a metric ton of pizza sauce. at first i was like WHAT THE FUCK then i remembered that i had some pizza on a napkin earlier and it spilt. so i go to leave my room to go to the washroom, right. and my mom walks up and she sees me with a bunch of red sauce on my nose with my hand trying to stop it from dripping everywhere. she says, "ARE YOU OKAY!? DO YOU NEED HELP!?" and rushed up the stairs, tripped, ate shit and looked up. now my mother has an ACTUAL bloody nose and i burst out laughing, drop my hands from my face and pizza sauce drips onto the carpet. she tries to get up, and places her hand RIGHT INTO all the pizza sauce that just dropped off my face. so now i'm laughing ever harder, she's pissed off trying to rush into the washroom that's five feet away, i'm trying to clean up the rest of my pizza sauce face-

then the power cuts out. we are in the dark, and i laugh even HARDER. my mom's so mad and embarrassed at this point, and i try to put out my hands to come help her, but i end up poking her right in the EYE.

we struggled for a bit, and then the power came back on and there was a mixture of blood and pizza sauce sittin' on the carpet.

swear to god i laughed so hard, almost popped out a lung.
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Comments

H
Holy shit this is intense. I was on the edge of my seat while reading this, along with all of your other revolutionary, life-changing pieces of art. Love it.
 
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H
Why are you posting them here? I'd buy this if it was published.
 
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Wait, "pizza sauce massacre"?
So is the pizza sauce being massacred, or is the pizza sauce doing the massacring?
 
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slimbizzy
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