I feel exhausted, just not physically.
My life is riddled with a lot of issues that I can't talk about on a public forum with the current ties that my identity on here has. I try my best to deal with them but its a lot and I frequently spiral downwards into badness.
My partner also experiences problems, arguably to a greater extent than I.
I want more than anything to keep them safe and as far as I've been told I'm the only one they trust to talk about it with.
So far I've managed to be as helpful as I can, but it deeply worries me what might happen if I can't one time. I'm afraid of letting them down and being the reason something bad happens.
Putting aside my own problems to help the person I love with theirs is something I don't mind doing but it exhausts me quite fast.
The issue is that I don't really have anywhere to turn. The amount of friends I have who are close enough for me to talk about these struggles is lower than its ever been and everyone is always busy with their own concerns, nor do I want to bother someone about my worries when it might not even help.
I suppose this is the point where the advice is something like "Seek professional help" and its a valid point but its never been something I enjoy, and I have a lot of bad experience in that area.
Maybe I need to learn to deal with my own shit myself, maybe I need to find someone new who can support me, or maybe I just need to keep trying despite how hard it is and how exhausted I feel by everything.
Having someone to protect makes good motivation but it also wears me down. This feeling of being worn down is what inspired by the title, I realise it deviated.
And I apologise for not mentioning specifics, I don't want my problems to be public nor do I want to compromise the trust my partner has in me.
The words contained within this blog are an unsorted mess and not a professional written piece, please try not to berate me for them not making perfect sense because they're not supposed to.
My life is riddled with a lot of issues that I can't talk about on a public forum with the current ties that my identity on here has. I try my best to deal with them but its a lot and I frequently spiral downwards into badness.
My partner also experiences problems, arguably to a greater extent than I.
I want more than anything to keep them safe and as far as I've been told I'm the only one they trust to talk about it with.
So far I've managed to be as helpful as I can, but it deeply worries me what might happen if I can't one time. I'm afraid of letting them down and being the reason something bad happens.
Putting aside my own problems to help the person I love with theirs is something I don't mind doing but it exhausts me quite fast.
The issue is that I don't really have anywhere to turn. The amount of friends I have who are close enough for me to talk about these struggles is lower than its ever been and everyone is always busy with their own concerns, nor do I want to bother someone about my worries when it might not even help.
I suppose this is the point where the advice is something like "Seek professional help" and its a valid point but its never been something I enjoy, and I have a lot of bad experience in that area.
Maybe I need to learn to deal with my own shit myself, maybe I need to find someone new who can support me, or maybe I just need to keep trying despite how hard it is and how exhausted I feel by everything.
Having someone to protect makes good motivation but it also wears me down. This feeling of being worn down is what inspired by the title, I realise it deviated.
And I apologise for not mentioning specifics, I don't want my problems to be public nor do I want to compromise the trust my partner has in me.
The words contained within this blog are an unsorted mess and not a professional written piece, please try not to berate me for them not making perfect sense because they're not supposed to.
