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I am writing this not for advice but as a way of simply getting it off my chest but feel free to give your two cents.
I have moved cities and come down to Canberra for study. I am doing a bachelor of Primary Education with a minor in Creative Writing. You may be wondering why I would mention my minor but that is where I met her. I immediately fell for her and looking back on it (this is back in late Feb/early March) I should have acted sooner but I was more focused on making friends rather than relationships.
We had a great friendship right from the get go and I was successful at pushing my feelings aside for a while but there was tension. It wasnt always there but sometimes as we were saying bye after doing something together, I got the sense of unfinished business but I would brush that off.
Everything between us was golden until early August when I finally told her how I felt. I dont know what I was expecting but I certainly didnt get it. She said she felt the same way and that was great, until nothing happened. There was then evident tension between us.
Now, I should make it clear that I am a rampant overthinker. I try to chart out every way that a situation may go, and then look at every outcomes out of those. All in all, it screws me up and I feel terrible.
Fast forward a month later to her birthday. Nothing at all has happened between us. We have rarely talked about us and the close friendship we once had is fading away. So, being the nice guy I am (and trying for a reaction), I make her something special as a present. Its a video but that's beside the point. Just know that it was nice and such. I thought that I may get a reply about it, since I was invited to her birthday dinner (and was the only guy there) but considering how well I know her, I doubted anything would happen then without any privacy.
No reply and this sets me off again. I actually get her alone and basically, make a fool of myself. I say the wrong things and though nothing is messed up, yeah, I feel like a goose. This was last week and though we haven't spoken properly since then, (ie, face to face or over fb chat like usual) we have exchanged some emails.
I have no desire to go into the details of what we discussed but it has alleviated my worries to a degree. She is still interested and would like to have a relationship, to which I was ecstatic. I thought everything was great, and it probably is, but the issues now are my own.
We have a guy in my tutorial that rubs me the wrong way but he is a nice guy. Looking at him objectively, I can see he wouldn't do anything but right now I hate him. He gets the responses from her I wish I could get. I have never been in this situation before (well once before but that went even less distance than what I am talking about) and I never thought I would be the jealous type. I guess it is because I feel I am on tenuous footing with her right now and though she says everything is good and I trust her totally, that irrational part of my brain persists.
So I have been fuming all day since this happened this morning and quite frankly I am sick of it. But I have come to an epiphany and though I will probably be told I am an idiot, I shall wait.
I know her. I want her. I knew I was running a risk and though none of it has paid off yet, its only a matter of time. She has a lot on her plate and though I dont know the details, she has trust issues to deal with from her past. This is a quote that really helped me.
"A great love is a lot like a good memory. When its there and you know its there, but its just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it and try to force it but the more you do it, the more you seem to push it away. But if your patient, and you hold still, well maybe, just maybe, it will come to you."
Its from a dumb source but it fits.
Uni break is coming up and hopefully things pick up then so I will keep you updated.
PS. This has just been typed out off the top of my head so if it jumps form place to place without making much sense, its because there are certain things I refuse to divulge, even over the relative anonymity of the internet.
EDIT: I noticed I screwed up the title of the topic. Please dont bring that up if you are going to reply.
I have moved cities and come down to Canberra for study. I am doing a bachelor of Primary Education with a minor in Creative Writing. You may be wondering why I would mention my minor but that is where I met her. I immediately fell for her and looking back on it (this is back in late Feb/early March) I should have acted sooner but I was more focused on making friends rather than relationships.
We had a great friendship right from the get go and I was successful at pushing my feelings aside for a while but there was tension. It wasnt always there but sometimes as we were saying bye after doing something together, I got the sense of unfinished business but I would brush that off.
Everything between us was golden until early August when I finally told her how I felt. I dont know what I was expecting but I certainly didnt get it. She said she felt the same way and that was great, until nothing happened. There was then evident tension between us.
Now, I should make it clear that I am a rampant overthinker. I try to chart out every way that a situation may go, and then look at every outcomes out of those. All in all, it screws me up and I feel terrible.
Fast forward a month later to her birthday. Nothing at all has happened between us. We have rarely talked about us and the close friendship we once had is fading away. So, being the nice guy I am (and trying for a reaction), I make her something special as a present. Its a video but that's beside the point. Just know that it was nice and such. I thought that I may get a reply about it, since I was invited to her birthday dinner (and was the only guy there) but considering how well I know her, I doubted anything would happen then without any privacy.
No reply and this sets me off again. I actually get her alone and basically, make a fool of myself. I say the wrong things and though nothing is messed up, yeah, I feel like a goose. This was last week and though we haven't spoken properly since then, (ie, face to face or over fb chat like usual) we have exchanged some emails.
I have no desire to go into the details of what we discussed but it has alleviated my worries to a degree. She is still interested and would like to have a relationship, to which I was ecstatic. I thought everything was great, and it probably is, but the issues now are my own.
We have a guy in my tutorial that rubs me the wrong way but he is a nice guy. Looking at him objectively, I can see he wouldn't do anything but right now I hate him. He gets the responses from her I wish I could get. I have never been in this situation before (well once before but that went even less distance than what I am talking about) and I never thought I would be the jealous type. I guess it is because I feel I am on tenuous footing with her right now and though she says everything is good and I trust her totally, that irrational part of my brain persists.
So I have been fuming all day since this happened this morning and quite frankly I am sick of it. But I have come to an epiphany and though I will probably be told I am an idiot, I shall wait.
I know her. I want her. I knew I was running a risk and though none of it has paid off yet, its only a matter of time. She has a lot on her plate and though I dont know the details, she has trust issues to deal with from her past. This is a quote that really helped me.
"A great love is a lot like a good memory. When its there and you know its there, but its just out of your reach, it can be all that you think about. You can focus on it and try to force it but the more you do it, the more you seem to push it away. But if your patient, and you hold still, well maybe, just maybe, it will come to you."
Its from a dumb source but it fits.
Uni break is coming up and hopefully things pick up then so I will keep you updated.
PS. This has just been typed out off the top of my head so if it jumps form place to place without making much sense, its because there are certain things I refuse to divulge, even over the relative anonymity of the internet.
EDIT: I noticed I screwed up the title of the topic. Please dont bring that up if you are going to reply.
