Am I Worth Saving?!?!

You is inside a movie right now; you is inside a part where you is getting to that point where everything you have tried is failing on you. You have a choice; do you want to BECOME a family or are you just BEING a family?

If you answer that question closely, you will realize what your mistake was all this time.
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Let me tell you about my situation before you throw inexcusable remarks towards me because you assume I'm a teenager with nothing better else to do.

Right now, I have to hustle money in order to change my last name to my father's. NO ONE is giving me money at this point and I'm 21; I don't have a job neither a girlfriend. I do have one thing that's keeping me strong during this time of crisis, JESUS! Yeah...REEEEEAAAL cliche eh? Well when my father had to be born again back in 1992, he was still inside a hellhole apartment which he's still living there. My father never had the love of a mother and father, his father died at age 10 and his mother was a bit empathic towards him.

Any ways the point is during those years he had to grow on his own and yes he did make mistakes. In the end, the Lord was with him. Despite he didn't have a HS diploma, didn't have a wife until a few years later, and didn't know what to do. The Lord was with him. If you think for one moment and thinking about killing yourself, how would your daughter feel? I care for you; I can't help you. You have to help yourself, the same way I have to hustle for cash in order to get my last name change.

It's up to you shape your future, stop with the self-pity and let yourself know this. You have a daughter and as long as she's there, you won't disappoint her!

If your daughter isn't a good enough reason, then I'm at a lost.

You sound like you're in it deep, seek help.

Live, because you were given it.

"Darkness will always come before dawn." You just have to hold your head up high. I kind of think you need to sort out your priorities a bit more though. I think loving your daughter is important, but if you don't want to live alone, there is a trade off you must commit. You need to prove that you are romatic and can support a family; be an ideal husband. That may possibly mean putting away your games for a while and start clubbing or getting more cash to have romantic dates... Hope this wasn't offensive.

[quote name='kevenka' post='1970135' date='May 10 2009, 10:15 PM']"Darkness will always come before dawn." You just have to hold your head up high. I kind of think you need to sort out your priorities a bit more though. I think loving your daughter is important, but if you don't want to live alone, there is a trade off you must commit. You need to prove that you are romatic and can support a family; be an ideal husband. That may possibly mean putting away your games for a while and start clubbing or getting more cash to have romantic dates... Hope this wasn't offensive.[/quote]


Well what you just said proves my point that females dont love for love they only want money but then again my ex taught me that so either way im burning the candle at both ends. As for my daughter. I never said she wasnt a good enough reason but would it really benifit her to have a failure for a dad???

trust me, dont do it. she needs someone in her life. and you must be there for her. many children dont have someone to call mom and dad and they really have a tough time with life. sure someone screwed you over, but thats life, you learn from your actions

It's more like... its a give take thing (and yes, I do know what you mean, because they can't seem to simply love you for who you are) but... conversely, I imagine you already know... but the trade off is that your not alone and you get some (if you know what I mean xD)

Man, your daughter would be far more hurt by you killing herself and might go as far as blaming herself for your suicide. A friend of mine's older brother commited suicide two years ago and she still thinks it was her fault, if you truly love your daughter that's more of a reason then even I have to live.

Redefine the word family for yourself. You and your daughter together can be a great family and she's all the woman you should ever need.

Women can be nice, but most of them are just fucking trouble.

And don't take the pussy way out and kill yourself. It's too fucking emo.

Dude, don't ever give up on life.
I don't really have any super advice to give.
The only thing I do know is that we are all here on Earth.
We might not know why we're here and we might not even matter in the eyes of the universe, but one thing I do know for certain.
You will probably be the most important person for your daughter she will ever know.
You can't just let a certain situation get a hold of you. Your choices will follow you forever.

Here is an example, If you went to a sports game and after you had a confrontation with someone, you could either fight (and get in trouble with the law) or leave and live on with your life normally. That one situation could be forgotten and with a bit of optimism you could keep on going and have a wonderful rest of your life. Sure the example is kind of vague but I hope you understood where I was going with it.

Seriously, sometimes I wonder why I am even alive. All the people I call my friends probably would not even care if I never existed, but I am sure that someone somewhere has benefited from my existence, and if they haven't I respect myself and accept the fact that I'm here and I might as well make the best of what I have.

I'm sorry if this didn't help you but I hope you are able to have a wonderful life until the time comes.

Thanks everyone, for your input. As for kevenka's comment, Dude, it shouldn't be that way. I'm tired of giving emotionally and economically. Why is it fair that i have to play some damn game just to be able to be with someone?!?! I'm honest and straightforward. Don't I deserve the same? if I care about someone, I tell her. Why cant I find someone who is honest like that?

as a nihilist, I say, do whatever you want.

Sigh.. I do know what your saying Lighty. I was just giving some recommendation to help you get some girls. I mean, girls are a bit different from guys (at least most of them are anyways) b/c of how they interact with other girls. They tend to just adjust to others and expect men to do the same (b/c they have been doing it their whole lives) while guys tend to be more straightforward, and I suppose because we are like that, we have more realistic bonds than girls. There are simply to much drama in their lives. (They live for the drama right? )
However, I should have spent more time emphasizing on your daughters significance in your life and if you were supposedly going to die, it would do more harm than good for her. Like what others said, life is what you make of it and you should be their for your girl when she gets her first boyfriend, her first kiss, prom, college, marriage. In hindsight, things may appear unrealistic and disheartening, but if you give some time, the loneliness you feel may all be an illusion, right?

[quote name='LightyKD' post='1970161' date='May 10 2009, 08:36 PM']Thanks everyone, for your input. As for kevenka's comment, Dude, it shouldn't be that way. I'm tired of giving emotionally and economically. Why is it fair that i have to play some damn game just to be able to be with someone?!?! I'm honest and straightforward. Don't I deserve the same? if I care about someone, I tell her. Why cant I find someone who is honest like that?[/quote]

Here's a story for you; my father married a woman who got divorced before meeting him. He was with this woman for 15 years after marriage, the woman was selfish, prideful, and even competitive. My father had to make a choice to live in misery with her or break free from that by divorcing her. The divorce was harsh since it was around 2008 where everything fell apart for him. Any ways, he FOUND himself another woman; this one is the complete opposite from the previous woman. She's humble, giving, and respectful. They already planned the marriage in this year, I thank the Lord my father found a faithful woman despite the 15 years he wasted on a selfish one.

If you're honest and straightforward; drop the straightforwardness because that shows arrogance. Pray and ask the Lord to find yourself a faithful woman, let's see what happens.

Sigh...I honestly don't know what to say because I do believe there are awesome women out their and the thing is, they are hard to find. You have to experiment- give a little and receive a little. If you notice she isn't returning you or accepting you for who you are when you tried to please her, then you simply tell her that you don't feel like you two should continue dating and move to another. Sounds a bit cliche...but that's how the dating scene works, right?

god help us.

When you had a daughter, you forfeit your right to kill yourself.

Learn to play oboe or something.

[quote name='jesuschristmonkeyballs' post='1972111' date='May 11 2009, 08:17 PM']god help us.

When you had a daughter, you forfeit your right to kill yourself.

Learn to play oboe or something.[/quote]

Saxophone. It's way cooler.

Like has been stated before, you have a daughter, you have a responsibility. She will love you.

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Lighty, I know how you feel. But I also know that you can't wait for someone to come your way and acknowledge your existence. I'm sorry if that sounded a bit harsh, but if one really wants something, one must show an effort and go for it.

And don't do anything drastic if you have a daughter, she's the one who will continue living with this burden afterwards. Just stay positive no matter what. It's not worth it being depressed all the time. You gotta look in the nooks and crannies in your life and find that reason to live, because it might be out there somewhere, whether it's in the form of a person, or an object.

Just enjoy life, it's definitely worth living.

[quote name='swimmeringer' post='1972118' date='May 11 2009, 04:20 PM']Saxophone. It's way cooler.[/quote]

Chasing the false concept of cool is what got his little emo self twisted up in the first place. Life isn't about other peoples conception of cool. Life is about diversions.

Anyway OP - take a cooking class or art at the community college. You may meet some tail and women love when a dude is a good cook.

Be funny too.

Lighty, life is too short too lose hope. Just because you're in a hole now does not mean you can't fill it back in. Yes, there are good women out there, (really have to search though) and you have to experiment to find the one for you. The one who will be happy for whom you are, and generally you'll go through several relationships before you even get close! I really hope this does not sound like something from Dr. phil (I hate his show ) You have to go out and recieve what this world has to offer, and not sit there and think that you're a failure (otherwise you'll never get out of that hole). Shoot I have known drug addicts that have been failures, but turned their lives around with the proper motivation, some their motivation was death, others it was the penalty of law, but for you I believe it is your Daughter.

Go on your motivation is there, turn your life around, and when you're back on level ground find your special somebody!(probably wouldn't hurt to believe in something that's more than you.)