No More Heroes: Bixbite's Boss Rankings

Have you ever tried to read comments on youtube videos? If you haven't, consider yourself lucky. I was watching a whole bunch of NMH2 videos, just to recap some parts of the game in more detail, and one guy kept going around on EACH VIDEO saying his top ten bosses. The problem was that he was using wrong last names, and so were the other people posting. Here, I'll rank my favorite bosses, in order from both games. If there's a boss that appears in both, I'll count them separately. I'm also including Kimmy, Mimmy, Jeane, Henry and Helter Skelter. Off we go! In reverse order!

28. Million Gunman- I hate everything about Million. His name, his (lack of) personality, the stage that comes before him and how you can never get to him in time before he runs off.

27. Dr. Letz Shake- In the first game, he was an accessory to one of the most memorable moments in gaming history. Here, he was (pardon the half-pun) robotic. Lame attacks, lame 'battle royale.' Thanks doc.

26. Ryuji- I just didn't get the whole thing. He lacked character, the motorcycling part was bizarre, and his dragon attack was really really annoying. He was cliche in a not funny way, and simply didn't fit.

25. Helter Skelter- He made for a great trailer, but I don't see why everyone wants to fight him so bad. He looks really cool and everything, I just don't consider him a 'real' boss.

24. Cloe Walsh- I didn't dislike Cloe, but I found her way too easy, and her personality and appearance were pretty lame. I love female assasins (as you'll soon find out), but she misses the mark.

23. Dark Star- The first boss on the list from the first game! He wasn't really a boss, which is why I didn't rank him that high, and we never got a chance to know him. He played mind games with Travis which was pretty funny and worked as a vessel for the games ending, I must say.

22. Matt Helms- I loved his design, and voice, and weapon, but he got severely shortchanged, more so than any other NMH2 boss. He had tons of potential but fell short due to lack of depth.

21. Nathan Copeland- Can anyone say Ulmeyda? Proof that Suda51 recycles ideas. Not bad, but his stage was irritating, and I've fought enough cult leaders in my day. Points for great weapon and VA though.

20. Harvey Moiseiwitsch Volodarskii- I loved the magician show motif, but Harvey was one of the few original bosses to lack character. I don't have much to say about him overall.

19. Henry- I wasn't a huge fan of Henry in NMH, and in NMH2, I like him even less. Still, he had a fun boss battle, and there's still a lot of intrigue regarding his story, maybe to be filled in by a sequel, maybe by our imaginations.

18. Letz Shake- When I realized that there was no boss battle, and Letz and his machine were really destroyed, I was shocked. Right up there with the Psycho Mantis battle in MGS, this was very very memorable. Still, I can't rank him any higher because he isn't really a boss.

17. Alice Moonlight- I know a lot of people probably like her best from NMH2, but her whole stance seemed 'been-there, done that.' I have to say, I love her design, and I probably had the most trouble with her over-all.

16. Mimmy- Great design, awful execution. A lame excuse to include Henry as a "playable character" and you can beat her just by spamming long range attacks. Her moe looks with mecha arms get her placed this high.

15. Jasper Batt Jr.- It seems like many people have big opinions on Jasper one way or another. I, on the other hand, don't. He was a good final boss, and it was a fun battle, but I don't love him or hate him. Love all three stages designs, the only thing I didn't like was his second stage being able to toss you out the window.

14. Death Metal- He was a great and surreal boss, the perfect way to start off NMH. I love him. The fact that I use the word love for the boss I have ranked fourteenth says a lot about how highly I regard NMH. The whole paradise theme he talks about is really recurring through the both games.

13. New Destroyman- Both are such pricks, and I'm pretty sure they were based on Frieza (or at least it seems so). Their banter with Shinobu is funny and witty (if a bit over the top), and their battle is unique.

12. Destroyman- He takes the nod over his newer counterpart because of his comparative subtlety and nipple machine guns. His personality was very unique, as was his outfit and ego.

11. Captain Vladimir- I wish we saw more of him. It was perhaps the fact that he was so removed that cemented him this high on my list. A Russian, isolated in space for years. He was pitiful and tragic. Forget the lame battle portions of his fight, remember him as a broken figure.

10. Charlie Macdonald (and his cheerleaders)- I didn't like skipping a whole bunch of ranks after fighting him, nor really the mecha battle, but his personality, from the brief moments that were shown were great. Perfect jock cliche, and the mecha opening sequence was untouchable.

9. Shinobu- She would be so perfect in Kill the Past! I like how she just gets her shit done, and shows her personality in that respect. She's full of angst, yet mature, and she makes a surprise comeback in the end. She was the hardest boss for me in NMH.

8. Jeane- Wow, is she pretty or what? She was so strong, and breaks the fourth wall in a great way. Her story is really the crushing blow in the NMH story, which brought it all together. Her brutal actions and brutal defeat were exciting and gave the story even more life.

7. Holly Summers- Her personality and tragic end was one of the most beautiful and sad gaming moments for me. She was the vessel that allowed us to see what a decent guy Travis could be. Fantastic.

6. Bad Girl- I used to like Bad Girl a lot more, but I've found my appreciation of her decline recently. She was still great, her coldness and brutality were awe-inspiring, but her crudeness was a double-edged sword. It made her seem less deserving of sympathy, but was kind of a turn off.

5. Skelter Helter- In terms of design, he's near the top. His story, behavior, and personality could have paved the road for a perfect game. When he pulled his head off... like nothing I've seen before!

4. Kimmy Howell- She had the best cutscenes in NMH2, hands down. It was touching and lough-out-loud funny. She was so unique, the battle and music were surreal, and I had a lot of fun fighting her.

3. Dr. Peace- When I think of NMH, he's usually the first fight that springs to mind. His checkered past is interesting, and it's genuinely sad that he wants a relationship with his daughter. "The virgin child..." song is great, and proof Suda51 is a good composer.

2. Speed Buster- Some just see her as an old bitch, but she was so brutal, I couldn't stand it. That huge gun was so impractical, but you could tell despite her age and size, she was skilled. I love watching her head get cut off from her perspective.

1. Margaret- You battle wave after wave of enemies in a grocery store, and finally reach the dark roof, with a giant beautiful moon. And there's Margaret, beautiful, alluring. Perfect design, perfect weapons. The music fits the battle perfectly, and even was written specifically about her. Her song was important to her, and she wanted it to live on. It was touching, and really excellent, she takes the cake.

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