Post text jokes here

[Noctosphere]

What's the difference between :

A burnt pizza
A pregnant woman
A frozen beer

??????

Spoiler: Answer

A man forgot to take it out in time

 

[Noctosphere]

M : For the Valentine day, I bought handcuff to make love with you
W : EW! I don't want to make love with you!!!
M : That's my point!

 

[x65943]

text jokes here​

 

[SylverReZ]

text jokes here​

jokes

 

[Noctosphere]

It's when a mosquito lands on a man's testicle that he realise that all problems cannot be solve with violence

 

[SylverReZ]

It's when a mosquito lands on a man's testicle that he realise that all problems cannot be solve with violence

 

[impeeza]

jokes

that was the joke!

If this space is for text joke, I will start with a yo mama! joke:


Your mamma is so slow what take for she 9 months to do a mistake!

 

[Noctosphere]

A mom is reading a book when her child asks her a question
Child : Mom, what was it like in 80's?
Mom : Give me your phone and I'll show you
Child gives her its phone
Mom takes her own phone, does something on it, put it away and keep reading her book
...
...
...
C: so what was it like?
M: No smartphone and no internet, that's what it was like

 

[KleinesSinchen]

A mom is reading a book when her child asks her a question
Child : Mom, what was it like in 80's?
Mom : Give me your phone and I'll show you
Child gives her its phone
Mom takes her own phone, does something on it, put it away and keep reading her book
...
...
...
C: so what was it like?
M: No smartphone and no internet, that's what it was like

Idealized.
It is not that there wasn't abundance of electronic "entertainment" in the 1980s. Television played a big(ger) role in many people's life -- to an unhealthy amount in some cases.
To be honest it is a missed opportunity to not show the child analog audio and video recordings (music cassette and VHS for example) when talking about the 1980s.
Maybe also fashion from that time frame.
========

Okay, now I'll try my best to actually post a joke (to lazy to type an own version, so quoting this classic)

Engineers vs. Management-​

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 6 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 

[Mama Looigi]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't

 

[Noctosphere]

An european ambassador of a newly sovereign african country is visiting one of their minister to discuss about the recent changes since Russian occupation.
African minster : they built a power plant, an airport and they taught us how to make vodka and play russian roulette and...
European ambassador : woah woah woah, russian roulette? That's very dangerous, you shouldn't...
Am : we know and that's why we invented the african roulette, you want to play?
Ea : ...mmmh not sure, what are the rules?
The african minister claps in his hands and 6 beautiful women enter in the room.
Am : you choose a woman and she will make you die of pleasure with her mouth
Ea : ohoh, well that sure is
Am : but one of them is a cannibal.

 

[Veho]

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one to fill it.

He who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with smelly fingers.

He who runs in front of a car will get tired, but he who runs behind a car will get exhausted.

A magician was walking down the street when suddenly he turned into a driveway.

 

[Noctosphere]

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one to fill it.

He who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with smelly fingers.

He who runs in front of a car will get tired, but he who runs behind a car will get exhausted.

A magician was walking down the street when suddenly he turned into a driveway.

.....why? Im offended, delete this...
But seriously though, it is not the kind of "racist jokes" that would offend most of jews...
There are times when we HAVE to laugh about ourselves, come on...

 

[Noctosphere]

what have in common an onion and a taliban?


They both are very good antioxidant

 

[Veho]

A nun was taking a bath, when she hears a knock on the door. "Who is it?" she asks; "It's the blind man," the visitor replies. "Oh, come in then." The guy comes in and says, "Nice tits, now where do you want me to install the blinds?"

 

[Noctosphere]

In an interview :
Person #1 : Name?
Person #2 : Willy Ben Chen
P1 : Sex?
P2 : 3 to 4 times a week
P1 : No, I mean male or female?
P2 : Male, female, and sometime animals
P1 : Holy cow!
P2 : cow, sheep, chicken too...
P1 : But isn't it hostile?
P2 : Horse style, doggy stile, any style
P1 : oh dear....
P2 : nooooo.... deer runs too fast

 

[impeeza]

Once, my dear wife, Janet, had a bad headache but felt it necessary to prepare dinner for her loving husband anyway.

As it turned out, the dinner was an unusually good one and —being a husband— I said, “You ought to have headaches oftener.”
--Isaac Asimov

 

[Xdqwerty]

Why is the bard spoony?

Because they love spoons

 

[Noctosphere]

what pronouns do chocolate goes by?

Spoiler

Her/she

 

[x65943]

what have in common an onion and a taliban?


They both are very good antioxidant

My guess is this joke works better in French, do you guys regularly call the west "occident"? Because although you can call it that in English, it's very dated and rare